(I’m assuming here that you have seen the trouble over on tumblr about ace discourse. If you haven’t feel free to drop me a message or check out the post mentioned below for links)
Recently, over at The Asexual Agenda, Siggy made a great post about the blog and its relationship to The Discourse. This got me thinking about why I am so interested in keeping up with it. Don’t get me wrong, I never comment on it and almost never bother to like or reblog a post. I’m too old for the arguing. Most of the people participating in Discourse are kids at this point because very few of the adults in the tumblr ace community (at least from my perspective) can even be bothered with new iterations of the same old arguments. Are aces queer? Well, yes. We’ve been over this before and have determined that we are queer on the fact of our asexuality alone. The arguments against this are just reworkings of the arguments against bisexual and trans people. So validating them with response seems silly at this point.
So why do I keep up with it anyways? The likely answer is because I am a nosey little shit who can’t help but watch as the metaphoric cars crash in the tumblr comments section on each post. A girl needs a little excitement in her life. But then again, it could also be simply habit. For years I was researching and reading everything I could about asexuality in my free time and writing and participating in all of the conversations around it. I sought out surveys to answer about my lifestyle, I jumped at the chance to apply to programs and seminars. All of my free time was centered on The Discourse. It was integral to how I thought about my life and my choices.
But eventually I moved on. The only ace blog I actively follow anymore is The Asexual Agenda. It is, as they have noted, an accidental “refuge from The Discourse.” Because you can’t live in the flame war all the time. It is draining. To be constantly on edge and constantly in a battle. I couldn’t do it. I filled my tumblr dash with pop stars and fanfiction just to get some relief. So yeah, I keep up with the Discourse, but it isn’t something I live inside of. I have the option to just close the tab and think pretty thoughts when I don’t want to see it. And if you live in the Discourse, maybe you should close the tab too.